Life Coach Cebu Marq Martin

Stop depending on others for happiness

Stop depending on others for happiness

It’s time to stop depending on others for happiness. It is your responsibility to make yourself happy.  No one else.  Everyone else will be an addition to your happiness.  It is one of the saddest things in the world when you depend on other people to treat you well or be nice to you, just for you to be happy.  Like a housewife that tells her husband “Because you didn’t kiss me goodbye in the morning, it means you don’t love me, now I’m sad for the whole day, in fact, I’m mad!”.  You can still choose to be happy after someone says this to you. 

Instead, she can just say “Oh he didn’t kiss me goodbye, OK, maybe he forgot.  I’ll just think and do things that make me happy.”.  When I say never depend on others for happiness it means, you should be happy inside all the time.  You should be having beautiful conversations with yourself, your internal dialog should be words that lead to happiness.  

The more you do things that make you unhappy, the more unhappy you will be.  So, it makes sense to stop doing things that make you unhappy.  Does it not?  Now that we know one of the things that cause us to be unhappy, we should know what to do to make us happy.  Like, if you do not like your job and it makes you unhappy, then find another job, or start a business that makes you happy.  

Another way to find your way to happiness is to write down everything that makes you happy so you know what it is.  You can write spending time with your family, singing, doing a certain activity like exercising, writing, reading, having coffee with your best friend at a coffee shop.  Just write anything and everything that makes you happy.  Then spend as much time doing these things.

Once you learn how to stop depending on others for happiness you will never end up in an environment that makes you unhappy, and never come across a person that makes you unhappy.   Imagine, Victor Frankl was captured by Nazis and torched, but he said he has more freedom than any of the soldiers torturing him because he knew that he was in total control of his thoughts.    When you are able to control your ability to make yourself happy and control your reaction to everything, nothing can disturb your inner peace, nothing can make you unhappy.

What you pay attention to grows so when you put most of your attention into things that make you happy, or thoughts that make you happy, then your mind will pay less attention to things that make you unhappy.  The more you watch the news or look at Social Media Posts that are sad and make you angry, the more unhappy you will be.  The more you pay attention to sad things, the sadder you will become.

Again, focus less on what makes you unhappy, and more on what makes you happy.  Practice conscious decision making.  One thing that I noticed about people is they have a list of things that make them unhappy, even me, but I decided to change my reaction.  Like I used to get angry when workers make stupid mistakes.  Mistakes that can be easily avoided.  Now I choose not to react with anger but find a way to correct them, avoid the same mistake happening again, without anyone’s feelings getting hurt.  

Some people have a long list.  “I hate people who wear socks with sandals, I hate men who wear rompers, I hate homo-sexualism, I hate this politician, I hate when people use beauty mode, I get mad when someone posts a picture with their car just to show it off, I get mad when people post sad stuff on Facebook.  I hate anyone that doesn’t believe in Jesus.”  The Jesus thing or religious thing kind of separates people.  So, get rid of the list you have, because you are making yourself unhappy.  Get rid of the list of things that you hate or get you mad, replace it with a list of things that make you happy. Since I am mostly an auditory thinker, which means a big part of my thoughts is in words, fewer pictures, I always use affirmations to change my mood.  I say “I feel happy, healthy and wealthy” repeatedly to change how I feel.  I say “I feel happy!”.  You can go as far as repeating “Everything in my life makes me feel happy” and as long as you continue to feel that way inside, everything outside will make you feel happy.  As within so without.  

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